


Having Known Love

by This_Time_I_Wont_Regret_My_Username



Series: A Collection of One-Shots for THC [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Funerals, Grief/Mourning, Implied/referenced illness, Jealousy, Unrequited Love, Why Did I Write This?, crying kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-28 17:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13275903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_Time_I_Wont_Regret_My_Username/pseuds/This_Time_I_Wont_Regret_My_Username
Summary: Ron couldn't seem to get over Hermione. He knew that she didn't feel the same about him as he did about her--that much was obvious after she went out and married Malfoy.Ron didn't think his heart would ever mend. He tried and tried again to get over Hermione, and then he met someone who absolutely took his breath away. She was beautiful, smart, funny, kind, and so much more. He fell in love with her, and she fixed his broken heart so it fit perfectly against hers.He loved her. He still does. He just doesn't know if he can hold his child at night, knowing that she isn't going to be around to help him raise their precious daughter.





	Having Known Love

**Ron's POV:**

Have you ever wanted something so badly it hurt? Have you ever lain awake at night going over memories in your head that aren't real? Have you ever wished for something so hard that there's a hole in your heart when you can't have it? I recently fell into the depths of that black hole, and I can't get out. I'm not entirely sure I want to.

The day I saw them together was the day I knew my heart had split in two, the day when I felt my soul shatter. She was _mine_ , and had been for so long. I felt something inside of me crack, the hope for the relationship I was going to have with her die. It hurt _so much_. I didn't know that I even had that inside of me, it was painful.

I could only watch as he leaned in and kissed her. Her hands rested themselves on his waist before slowly sliding up his body into his hair, her hands pulling him closer. His arms wrapped around her waist, and I knew that I should be the one to do that. But she was with him, the woman I loved with the man I hate. Their kisses were patient and content. He was so gentle with her. And that was the moment I knew I lost her for good, that I missed my chance.

Malfoy leaning down to whisper in her ear, making Hermione giggle and blush. Hermione putting her hand on his thigh, slowly moving it upward, causing him to turn a deep shade of red while she smiled innocently. Malfoy expertly pulling her bushy hair into a bun while she chatted away about S.P.E.W. I knew that I should be there, not him. I knew that every time I saw them touching, I couldn't do anything or she'd hate me as much as I hate him. I can't describe the way it felt to know she laid beside him every night, to know they talked when they were alone. It was like someone was twisting a dagger into my heart.

Year after year, they came to The Burrow together, and I tried to stay out of their way when they talked with my large family. I tried to let them be happy, as I know they are. I couldn't help but wonder if I could ever make her eyes gleam with pure joy or if I could ever make her so angry she'd want to slap me and kiss me at the same time. I know he could.

I felt something inside of me slip away and disappear completely when they announced their engagement. Then, two months later, when they revealed her pregnancy, I knew something had dropped from my very soul, had fallen into a pit of despair. But I wouldn't let them see, because I only wanted her to be happy. Even if the person that could do that is a man I despise.

When I looked at their son, I saw everything I could've had with her, but this child, he was pure. He had his father's smirk and eye color, his mother's bushy hair, even if it was blond. He had Hermione's smile, and Malfoy's quick wit. He was everything I knew would never come from Hermione and I. And that hurt. But my heart ached less when I looked at this little boy, because I knew he meant the world to both Hermione and Malfoy, and I only ever wanted them to be happy.

I didn't like to think about her too much. I tried to stop lying awake at night contemplating how I would've proposed to her, or how her naked body would've looked under my bedsheets. Instead, I tried to make my mind blank, hoping, praying, that sleep would not plague me with the worst possible dreams.

But I ran out of luck a long time ago. Every night, Hermione's hand was in mine. Our toes were in the sand, a ring on her left ring finger. Her hair was splayed out onto the pillows in our bed, her head on my bare chest. And just before we'd kiss, I'd wake up, and it would be dawn. The start of a new day when I knew she would not be beside me. I couldn't seem to get over Hermione.

But then, I met _her_ , Padma Patil- the woman I hoped would come into my life and sweep me off my feet; the woman who would not care about Hermione and Malfoy, and would only care about me. I know how selfish that sounds, but it's what I wished for even more than having Hermione next to me.

She was everything I needed. She was the woman who mended my broken heart, and she gave me part of her own soul, and it seemed to fit perfectly with my broken one. We danced together, ate together, understood each other, and I finally knew what it was like to have someone love you as much as you loved them.

Years after I met her, and we were married with a little girl named Rose, I felt my heart break again. She was taken from me the worst possible way- ripped from my life and forced into her coffin. Her body was pale and unmoving, so unlike the joyous, amazing woman she used to be. How was I supposed to tell my little girl her mother died of cancer? That she was never coming home again?

I recently felt my heart, my very mind, split in two and go under the ground with my wife. Of course, Hermione was there with Malfoy. But I didn't care, because my little girl was crying, crying for the mother she didn't have anymore. And I could only hold her in my lap and tell her that her mother would never really be gone.

Rose's sobs cut through the air, stabbing at what remained of my existence. I couldn't stop the tears from falling, praying that Rose wouldn't feel them drop onto her face.

Here I laid, in my bed with my ten-year-old daughter by my side. I stared at the ceiling, and I couldn't help but wonder what life would've been like had my wife been here. No doubt she would send Rose to Hogwarts after giving her a million kisses and hugs. She would be here for the time when Rose would have her first kiss, her first love. How could I ever be Rose's mother _and_ father? How could I ever be what my little girl needed?

Have you ever wanted something so badly it hurt? Have you ever laid awake at night going over memories of better times in your head? Have you ever wished for something so hard that there's a hole in your heart when you can't have it? I know how that feels. To need something so badly it's like you will never be whole without it. I've experienced this twice in my life, and I'm not sure which was worse- having known love and having it taken away from you, or wishing with every fiber of your being to have it back. I'm starting to think it would have been better if I never got over my first heartbreak.

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by Jennifer Castle's "What Happens Now."  
> This was written for The Houses Competition (duh).  
> The prompt was "Heartbreak [Emotion]." I hope I did it justice!  
> This wasn't my best work--then again, most of these first ones aren't the best. I had just started writing around the time that I joined THC. I've improved since then, of course, but I'm still not very proud of these.  
> Please comment if you liked it, thank you for reading!


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